'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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