So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
