His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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