what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
