More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry about my life...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
