I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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