He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
