I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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