can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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