Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
