i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
