We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
