You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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