Whats the glycemic index on semen?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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