My sheets look like a crime scene.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
