She's JV to your varsity
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
