i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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