Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize