i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
