i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize