Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
