I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
