somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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