i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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