My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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