My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
