He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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