1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can feel your judgement through the phone
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
