its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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