i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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