Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I AM VODKA MAN
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We're too hungover to prance.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
