and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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