We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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