I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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