I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
