kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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