Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
