If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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