i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
