Just cropdusted the office
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
