3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
