The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
