i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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