Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
