Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
