Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
