My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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