No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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