and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
