Your dad touched me again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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