He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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