Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
