so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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