Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
