Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
