so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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