Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
