If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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