I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
