I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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