So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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