Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
