I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
