So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
