just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As shirtless as possible
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
