Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
