Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
