the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
