I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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