tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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