you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
