You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
